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| Pâ•qidꞋ Yi•rᵊmᵊyâhꞋu |
2005.05.19 – Looking objectively at your PLM is the most difficult challenge. It’s almost impossible to look past what I call the “infatuation veneer” for two reasons:
the “infatuation veneer” lens through which you see your PLM prevents you from noticing, and taking seriously, the long-term implications of your PLM’s shortcomings and
your PLM envelopes himself or herself in a second “infatuation veneer” (just as you do), not behaving as freely as he or she will after 2-3 years of marriage.
First, make a list of what attributes you think a spouse and parent-partner should have, and those a spouse and parent-partner should not have. Compare and contrast the attributes of your PLM to both lists and assess how problematic shortcomings might be over the long term.
Apart from physical and sexual aspects, are the two of your really enduring friends? A marriage requires a friendship that can endure for decades beyond physical and sexual attraction. What do the two of you like to do together and what do each of you prefer to do individually? Is this ok over the long term? This is your prospective marriage.
What is your PLM’s personality type and attitude toward income-producing work? Is that compatible with your long-term expectations?
How compatible is your PLM’s career goals — including working hours, days and geographic requirements — with your career goals?
Does your PLM hold grudges? (If so, it’s only a matter of time until a grudge is against you.)
Is your PLM always in control over temper and self?
How does your PLM handle money, credit card debt?
How does your PLM feel about regular savings and investing?
Does your PLM want bank accounts to be joint accounts? Who, and how, do each of you want your checkbook(s) balanced?
Do you really respect your PLM? Can you take your PLM anywhere without feeling like you need to apologize or be embarrassed?
Does your PLM really respect you? Can your PLM take you anywhere without feeling a need to apologize or be embarrassed?
Is your PLM as faithful and respectful to you as you are to your PLM? One-sided relationships are prone not to endure.
Is your PLM primarily oriented homeward; or toward friends, social life and community?
Is your PLM getting married to escape current home life? What is your PLM’s primary reason for getting married?
What are the most important things in the life of your PLM?
What are the most important values that guide the life of your PLM?
What does your PLM want to do or accomplish in life?
What cultural traditions are important to your PLM?
Does your PLM deal with and solve problems or allow problems to worsen?
How many children does your PLM want and how important is their gender? How does your PLM feel about family planning, contraceptives (including which kind and who will be responsible) and abortion?
Would your PLM rather be right and stand by integrity; or accepted by peers and society?
How neat does your PLM keep his or her room? That’s how neat your PLM will keep your home.
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