Geirim and Marriage

Because there is a situation in which a geir (or geirâh) can be in a marriage to someone who ignores Torâh, some have jumped to the conclusion that Torâh permits a geir (or geirâh) to marry someone who ignores (i.e. rejects and transgresses) Torâh. This is not the case.

Not even all situations in which the aspiring geir (or geirâh) is already married can qualify to be recognized as a geir (or geirâh). "My spouse prevents me" is no excuse or dispensation from keeping a mitzwâh. The spouse must accommodate the Torâh-keeper or force the Torâh-keeper to choose between Torâh or the spouse.

Minor children present yet another problem. Torâh requires raising one's children (of the household, no exemptions for adopted children, step-children, or whatever) to keep Torâh. That is only barely possible when the spouse is accommodating, and impossible otherwise – a transgression of Torâh; and that's not acceptable. Even an existing spouse to whom one is already married at the time of learning about the authority of Torâh, if the spouse refuses to accommodate keeping Torâh in the household, this forces a choice between Torâh or the spouse. One cannot serve two masters.

The only situation in which a geir (or geirâh) can be in a marriage to someone who ignores Torâh is if they are already married to such a person at the time they learn of Torâh and the resistant spouse will at least accommodate and accept the household being according to Torâh (especially regarding teaching the children to keep Torâh). Torâh requires that one do his or her utmost to keep Torâh. However, it is clearly beyond a person's utmost to go back in time and "unmarry" that person.

Torâh prohibits aTorâh-keeper from marrying someone who ignores or rejects Torâh. The person who has become aware of the authority of Torâh, finding himself or herself already married, doesn't transgress the prohibition against marrying someone who ignores or rejects Torâh. Thus, the prohibition against a Torâh-keeper marrying (in contrast to already being married to) someone who ignores or rejects Torâh remains inviolable.

Anyone who has become aware of Torâh's authority yet willfully marries someone not fully committed to keeping Torâh willfully transgresses Torâh. The only remedy for transgressing Torâh is kipur, which entails t^әshuvâh – righting the wrong and returning to Torâh. Righting the wrong of intermarrying means dissolving the prohibited marriage, even if children are involved. One must raise them in Torâh if it is within their legal authority to do so. If such legal authority is with someone else who refuses to raise them to keep Torâh, then the Torâh-keeper must terminate his or her involvement with both the children and the marriage.

There is no situation in which Torâh permits one who keeps Torâh to marry one who does not.

There isn't even any situation in which Torâh permits one who keeps Torâh to remain married to one who opposes keeping a Torâh household or raising children to keep Torâh.

Torâh requires, in all matters, that the one who keeps Torâh maintain Havdâlâh between Qodësh and khol. A Torâh-keeper who remains even in a tolerated intermarriage (to one who is accommodating to a Torâh household though personally disinterested) must maintain Havdâlâh between himself (or herself) and the disinterested spouse. There will always be Havdâlâh, preventing full sharing, relative to religious, philosophical and eternal matters. The Torâh-keeper has to live with the agony of knowing that his or her spouse does not have a place in hâ-olâm ha-bâ. It is a hell of its own, endured only in the hope that the resistant spouse may come to understand and someday embrace Torâh and ha-Sheim.

If you are an unmarried person, Torâh absolutely prohibits intermarriage to one who isn't fully committed to keeping Torâh. There are no exemptions, dispensations, loopholes or other exceptions. Period.