I'm always on the look-out for new university and scientific research in a large number of diverse areas. Sometimes, my own research and experience enable me to see new ways that research findings can be useful. This is one of those instances. I know about being bullied.

My birthday (May 29) happened to be only one or two days outside the cut-off to start school and, in 1949 (?) my Mom went to the bureaucracy in Cape May, New Jersey, demonstrated that I was already able to read and persuaded them to make an exception and enroll me instead of making me wait another year. Thus, I started school with classmates all averaging a year older, and bigger, than me.

Same class, same kids, same school, (different room, 5th grade 2 years later – 1st class photo), Rio Grande Elementary, 1953. Clint Van Nest is the boy sitting behind the girl with the sign.

Two years later (1951?), in Rio Grande (N.J.) Elementary, answering a question about the stars in the night sky asked by my teacher, Miss Theo, I lectured the second and third grade classes (held in the same room) that, of the stars they saw in the night sky, some weren't really there because what they were looking at left its source star hundreds, and even millions, of years ago. So, the stars were somewhere else – if they even still existed. When the teacher, Miss Theo, recovered she talked with my parents and they decided to transfer me to her third grade class. (Or, perhaps, Miss Theo figured she could pass me on to her sister, Mrs. Caldwell who taught 4^th grade, a year sooner that way?) In any case, now, my classmates averaged almost 2 years older than me – and considerably bigger physically, making me a target for anyone with a grudge to work off. I know about being hated for being different and about being bullied.

For those deliberating about what's best for similar children, from both the bullying and educational standpoints, I'd have been better off if they had allowed me to complete 7^th grade arithmetic that year, finish high school the next year and begin college the year after that; but they didn't know that then and were afraid I wouldn't be able to socialize. High school bullies would be embarrassed to pick on elementary aged kids so far beneath them physically. If a 2-year old demonstrates that he or she can handle Ph.D. work, enable him or her. Don't waste his or her life in elementary school – which many children find a complete waste of their life, having learned nearly nothing the entire time. (Surprisingly, relative to Israeli elementary schools at least, very few people make a career of acting in school plays or dancing in parades.) By the time I finally got to university it was a drudge I had to sit through (occasionally) and pay enough attention to pass tests so I wouldn't be barred from moving on to important things I already knew how to do.

From then through high school, I was bullied by virtually everyone. Eventually, out of the sheer need to survive, I became a black belt mixing a number of styles of self-defense long before mixing methods was much appreciated. But I never related to the bullying side – until I read some recent research from USC, Stanford and the Kellogg School.

What does a rude and belligerent government clerk, an antagonistic mid-level manager – or even Abu Ghraib jailers – have to do with school bullying? Everything! While the researchers apparently haven't linked their research to bullying,

"In a new study, researchers at USC, Stanford and the Kellogg School of Management have found that individuals in roles that possess power but lack status have a tendency to engage in activities that demean others."

I immediately understood how that applies to a majority of bullies I've encountered. If you can't elevate yourself and you crave dignity and respect like everyone else, your only option is to de-elevate and undignify those around you to a level below you. Because of their physical size and strength, bullies have innate power relative to their smaller or weaker fellows. Teachers, rightfully, amplify respect toward the brighter students – who are mostly not the physically superior members of the group.

(A caveat: the converse, that all athletes are intellectually inferior, is untrue. Some athletes are also smart, becoming surgeons, engineers and, one friend of mine, dean of a university mathematics department. Interestingly, he was respected as a student and for his math skills. Perhaps because of the recognition and respect he received, despite his physical prowess, I never knew him to bully anyone. I've known many other physically powerful people like this as well. As I became confident in my martial skills I began to understand why confident, respected people don't seem prone to bully. One who is confident in his or her own dignity and respect has neither need nor desire to detract from the success of others. Like Oprah, Bill Gates and Jamie Oliver, confidence in oneself, self-respect, breeds the desire to help others succeed and achieve the same – exactly the opposite of bullying. Chuck Norris is on to something.)

The situation of highly respected (by the establishment) weaker bright students versus big and strong students of average or struggling academic ability produces individuals with superior innate physical power linked to inferior respect – recipe for a bully; and, perhaps, a budding drug or human trafficker – possibly even some pedophiles, serial rapists or murderers. While these exact a perverted kind of respect, people who can't afford regular food will eat cat food.

It's axiomatic that "All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." That's an appealing sentiment for the non-powerful to cling to. But it is wrong. Does Oprah bully or help people? What about Bill Gates? Jamie Oliver? Many powerful people strive to give back, to help out, to make this a better world – in Judaism the Tei•mân•im′ know this as ti•kun′ hâ-o•lâm′. Notice that all three of these examples, while powerful people, are also very much respected. Power gained through positive and constructive means linked with recognition and respect seems to spark a desire for self-actualization through similarly positive and constructive means. When power is unlinked from respect, however, then the powerful feel shorted, wronged; the world doesn't understand, and thinking turns dark regarding how to forcibly exact respect, often vindictively.

Reality dictates that not everyone can be wealthy or the most powerful political leader. Clearly, there must be a diversity of types of recognition and respect in addition to wealth and political power, that provides for everyone to achieve dignity, respect and recognition in some field of positive endeavor. Everyone has a right to a share of célébrité (celebrityhood, fame) for their abilities. Unlike wealth or political power, célébrité costs nothing and has no limit to its production. Simply learn to celebrate everyone's contribution. The more you learn about garbage collection the more you'll respect – and should celebrate – their hard work and contribution. This is equally true of all positive contributions to society. How do these stack up against some guy playing a game well? Playing pretend in front of cameras? We abhor dog fighting, cock-fighting and bull-fighting. What about human-fighting? Are we modern humans so sophisticated beyond the ancients?

One way to overcome this dynamic, according to the authors, is to find ways for all individuals, regardless of the status of their roles, to feel respected and valued. The authors write: "…respect assuages negative feelings about their low-status roles and leads them to treat others positively."

Opportunities for advancement may also help. "If an individual knows he or she may gain a higher status role in the future, or earn a bonus for treating others well, that may help ameliorate their negative feelings and behavior," Fast said.

The researchers conclude, however, that, "Our findings indicate that the experience of having power without status, whether as a member of the military or a college student participating in an experiment, may be a catalyst for producing demeaning behaviors that can destroy relationships and impede goodwill."

First, as the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, observes: never reward bad behavior. ("He or she is just from an abusive environment but is really a good person at heart. Show him love.") Rewarding bad behavior – sur-pri-ise – begets increasingly bad behavior. Deal with reality: they're a bully and bullying is unacceptable. Instead, of pampering the bully, encouraging further bullying, identify the source of the bully's power (often physical in school situations), then find, or devise, a positive outlet for that individual's source of power with corresponding levels and symbols of respect and corresponding ways to train and improve that source of power to improve the individual (and to take up time that might otherwise be spent in negative pursuits) and enable him or her to contribute real value to – and accrue real respect from – his or her near society.

So my advice to stop bullying is two-pronged. First, contrary to popular misconceptions of "love" psychology, victims must fight back and never accept being bullied. Bullies prefer to pick on someone who submits to being bullied. You don't have to be tougher than the bully. Just don't be the easier victim. Far more importantly, to preserve your own dignity and self-respect you must never submit to continuing victimization (being victimized and accepting continuing victimization are two drastically different things).

Second, an opportunity must be found, or devised, for the bully to express his or her power source in positive ways, with corresponding recognition and respect, so that the bully, too, may find the respect and dignity to which every upright person has a right. If the bullied can help the bully to find some positive célébrité, it may resolve the problem for both – and contribute a measure of ti•kun′ hâ-o•lâm′.