Shalom

I am a goy, a messianic and I thought I was Torah Observant and in covenant/grafted In but once I started reading the material on this website and the Atonement of the New Covenant and Who are the Netzarim I am convinced that I am not of the covenant nor grafted In and I desperately want to be.

I am married, 11yrs, no children or any relatives around for thousands of miles and my husband basically wants me to make a decision as to our marriage and what will become of it because he chooses not to believe what I tell him and will not read any of this material.

As far as I know there is no one else around here that could provide support so I could use logical sound marrital advice. It seems like I may be by myself which can be a great thing so I can learn everything without distraction.

My husband wants me to explain to him how it will effect us: Physically, career wise, socially, family, emotionally, spiritually and of course financially.

What I do know is that once I start implementing this way of life, my lifestyle will be extremely different and unless he does the same, I don't see our relationship maintained unless he approves of it and chooses to work around it.

Thank you(Name & city withheld), Texas, USA
(Name & city withheld), Texas, USA

There are N^әtzâr•imꞋ  who are married to a spouse who is uninterested in historically and reality oriented spiritual legitimacy. That is possible. But in no case is the spouse refusing to work around what Tor•âhꞋ  requires of their spouse. If your husband refuses to work around your needs—religious or otherwise—there is no possibility of the marriage working. "My husband won't let me" is no excuse to disobey the Tor•âhꞋ  of the Creator. There is no human-intermediary dispensation in Judaism—messianic or rabbinic.

• Spiritually

  The physical life is a blip on the eternal screen. This is your only path to eternity and there is nothing else. There is no other path to communing with י--ה, no other path to ki•purꞋ  and no other path to acquittal in the Beit Din in the heavens on Yom ha-Din.

• Physically
  
  
  1. Basics

     Issues like nid•âhꞋ , kash•rutꞋ  and Shab•âtꞋ  require allowances to enable you to keep Tor•âhꞋ . If your husband refuses to respect your wish to keep the mitz•wotꞋ  of nid•âhꞋ , then how can you? Is it not contradictory for a woman keep the mitz•wâhꞋ  of nid•âhꞋ  and then have relations with an uncircumcised man?

     If your husband refuses to allow a kâ•sheirꞋ  kitchen then how will you cook and eat exclusively in a kâ•sheirꞋ  kitchen? What will your husband do when you can't fix a BLT for him? Or bacon & eggs, shrimp, etc.? What if he insists on bringing a cheesburger home? Or stores his left-over slices of pepperoni pizza in the frig? How will you keep your frig kâ•sheirꞋ ? Your dishes, pots & pand and utensils? Your sink? Your whole kitchen?

     If your husband requires you to do your grocery shopping, cooking, housework, etc. on Shab•âtꞋ  then that conflicts impossibly with you keeping Shab•âtꞋ . These are intractable contradictions and conflicts.

  2. Family

     There is no reason to disconnect from your family because you will be able to tolerate their ways (treat them as you would like them to treat you) as long as it doesn't infringe on your practice. Invariably, however, they will not reciprocate. It is extremely rare for a family to tolerate a relative keeping Tor•âhꞋ . You don't believe that now. But that's almost a given how it will be. Your keeping Tor•âhꞋ  causes goy•imꞋ  to react hatefully and intolerantly—and your family will be no exception.

     Christian families are notoriously intolerant of relatives who will have nothing to do with Christmas or won't eat tâ•reiphꞋ  substances or food over which Christians have recited a blessing to their idol.

     Your family will disconnect from you. The only question is how completely, and in most cases the disconnect is radical, extreme and openly hostile. You should prepare yourself for that likelihood; and if the reaction is less than that then Bâr•ukhꞋ  ha-•SheimꞋ .

     The upside is that you'll know that none of the hate or intolerance is in your heart or emanates from you. It is their choice, their free will and you have no control–nor responsibility–for their refusal to be tolerant of your religious rights.

  3. Financially

     Material things are temporal and, therefore, should be your least priority. Nevertheless, unless one of you is a professional athlete with competitions on Shab•âtꞋ , and although many goy•imꞋ  have to find a more Tor•âhꞋ -tolerant environment than they're in now, the Tor•âhꞋ  principles of moral uprightness, of treating your fellow as you would like to be treated, statistically demonstrate that you will be financially more successful keeping Tor•âhꞋ . Employers, co-workers and customers or clients find these attributes admirable, attractive—and a financial asset.

  4. Career

     Unless the career involves being a non-Judaic cleric, a chef or restaurateur of tâ•reiphꞋ  food or an athlete competing on Shab•âtꞋ , there is no justifiable reason for a conflict with career other than not working on Shab•âtꞋ , Khaj•imꞋ  and Yâm•imꞋ  No•râ•imꞋ . However, in Christian neighborhoods and workplaces, not only are these "deal breakers," social consequences (below) also affect employment adversely. It can be shocking to find how un-Constitutional, un-democratic and un-American long-time friends, associates and entire cities and regions actually are when it comes to "Jewish" practices. Consequently, in order to find employment—or even to find a place to live that permits affixing m^әzuz•otꞋ  to the door posts— it's often unavoidable to move to a more Constitutionally democratic and American area that respects legally "guaranteed" religious rights, being tolerant of religious diversity (i.e., a more Judaic-compatible city). Judaic-compatible areas are, without exception, communities that have a vibrant Orthodox Jewish community.

  5. Socially

     Socially, you're going to experience the intolerance of being an outcast from the goy•imꞋ , discriminated against by the goy•imꞋ  and often confronted by the same hatred experienced from goy•imꞋ  that Jews have to cope with every day. Both kash•rutꞋ  and non-Judaic religious holidays seriously limit how you can socialize. You will not be able to eat their food or participate in their religious holiday celebrations. Christians are notoriously hypocritical – intolerant of people who refuse to join them in celebrating Christmas (e.g., attending Christmas parties, exchanging Christmas cards and gifts, etc.) or won't eat tâ•reiphꞋ  substances or food over which Christians have recited a blessing to their idol.

     During a long period of learning, often a couple of years or more (including learning to read and speak at least basic Hebrew), you'll be between two worlds, no longer accepted by goy•imꞋ  and not yet accepted in the Jewish community who will be pugnaciously convinced that you're a Christian "Messianic" missionary—no matter what you tell them. It can take years to demonstrate and convince the Jewish community of your sincerity in keeping Tor•âhꞋ . In the meantime, the N^әtzâr•imꞋ  are the only ones who will continue to teach and encourage you to persevere in keeping Tor•âhꞋ . It's tough going and a very long haul.

  6. Emotionally

     This varies from individual to individual. This is obviously a lot of thorns, not a rose garden. You'll need to rely on your trust in Tor•âhꞋ  and י--ה.

I wish I had more pleasant news for you but, objectively, what kind of spouse refuses to acknowledge (learn about) and cope with their mate's needs? That contradicts the definition of the term "husband." When has such a marriage ever worked or endured? Unless your husband's attitude changes dramatically, the facts you gave describe an impossible conflict before religious elements even enter the picture–two people headed in diverging, opposite, directions. How can such a pair pull together under the same yoke? When a couple shares a dream for their lives then they pull together to achieve it, making the necessary sacrifices together. Marriage is about sharing and working together to achieve a dream, not one partner forfeiting basic rights as a human being. If you don't share a dream for your lives…

Isn't that the difference between a sharing partnership relationship in contrast against a master-slave relationship?