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| Pâ•qidꞋ Yi•rᵊmᵊyâhꞋu |
2000.05.03 – first of all i want to apologize upfront, if i may use terms etc. which might sound offensive, but i am just a new comer in the netzarim teaching – i have just read the question of a woman enquiring about what kind of clothes are right on the basis of torah. it is not that i am excluding all the other mitzvahs, but i would need to totally rearrange/ buy a different "wardrobe". what about working, if still single can have women an education(/university) and job ? as i am living here on my own in england (i am originally from germany) i need to do everuthing myself and live in my own flat, because i dont have any family here, how is that regarded?
thanks a lot for your time answering my questions, shalom,
H.W., Lancashire, England
Although we moved to Israel from Orlando, Florida, I also lived in Germany – Zweibrucken – a couple of years back in the 60’s, courtesy of the USAF. I don’t remember any German though. We didn’t have any family when we moved to Israel (but at least my wife and I had each other) so I can sympathize with you. Now, though, the Tei•mân•iꞋ community has adopted us, so everyone in the Tei•mân•iꞋ beit ha-kᵊnësꞋët has become our family. Beyond that, there is a very real realization that, over a period of years, the wider Jewish community has also become our family. I hope this great family will be in your future.
I went back and re-read the earlier messages in the ezine but I’m not sure to which article you refer.
Probably, it’s best to think of dress in a similar way to ka•shᵊr•utꞋ, a gradual process of learning and implementation over a period of time, developing a kâ•sheirꞋ kitchen over time. If you throw out all your dishes, pots, pans, silverware and utensils now, replacing them all will be very expensive – and some of the new things would become contaminated because you don’t yet know how to keep things kâ•sheirꞋ. Moreover, you would eventually learn how some of them could have been made kâ•sheirꞋ by immersing them in boiling water, representing a huge savings, while others need to be phased out.
Initially, the more practical way is to consult the laws of ka•shᵊr•utꞋ before any new purchase of china, cutlery, pots and pans, dishwasher, installing a new sink, kitchen cabinets, or anything to do with the kitchen and/or eating; and let ka•shᵊr•utꞋ guide your future purchases and decisions. One day you’ll find you’ve learned enough and made enough of a transition that it has become practical for you to “kosher” your kitchen.
The process is similar in developing one’s wardrobe. Unless garments are see-through or what fashion designers would call revealing (in which case they should be given to charity or something), a more practical approach, initially, would be to change your future clothes purchases to conform to modern Orthodox (not ultra-Orthodox) Jewish standards of dress.
In this regard, it’s critical to recognize the many differences between ultra-Orthodox rabbis and ultra-Orthodox Jews, on the one hand, vis-a-vis modern Orthodox rabbis and the nearly universal practice of modern Orthodox Jews on the other hand. Particularly in the area of dress, it’s critical to recognize the many differences between ultra-Orthodox rabbis and ultra-Orthodox Jews, on the one hand, vis-a-vis modern Orthodox rabbis and the nearly universal practice of modern Orthodox Jewesses (Jewish women) on the other hand.
Recognizing this, over time you can phase out the general use of jeans, slacks and shorts (relegating them to gardening, sports and the like) and, if applicable, phasing out dress that is immodest by modern Orthodox standards as you learn. It would be a costly mistake to throw out a lot of expensive clothes and then later find out that some of them would have been ok to use in certain circumstances.
While there are occasional exceptions, dress code for an Orthodox beit ha-kᵊnësꞋët, for example, would be a sleeved dress or skirt with a hem at or below the knee (preferably mid-calf or ankle-length). If you’re going to be in the presence of ultra-Orthodox, then you should accommodate them – which means an ankle-length hem plus sleeves below the elbow is de rigueur. While it’s important to have one or two outfits which satisfy these extremes – particularly if that’s the only kind of synagogue nearby, or to go to an ultra-Orthodox wedding or Bar-Mi•tzᵊwâhꞋ – a considerably distant eventuality for you at this early stage, most of your purchases should be geared to modern Orthodox standards.
This provides a general sense of initial direction that enables you to exercise financial wisdom in your future clothing purchases. A more detailed and in-depth discussion (e.g., head coverings and the like) is appropriate for graduates of our Study Program who become recognized as a Nᵊtzâr•imꞋ geir•âhꞋ (úÌåÉøÈä-observant non-Jewish woman) and is also included in The Nᵊtzâr•imꞋ Reconstruction of Hebrew Ma•ti•tᵊyâhꞋu (NHM).
Concerning women’s education, my wife is a dental hygienist (which includes 2-years of college). If it wasn’t for the income she provides I couldn’t do what I’m doing (which, though I’ve been able to help thousands of people, has been consistently losing money since I went into it full-time in 1972).
I’m strongly encouraging my teen-age daughter – still in junior high school – to gear up to pursue a Ph.D. in science. I’ve taught her to become reasonably proficient on the computer, including HTML web site design. She designed and built her school’s web site. (The school currently has a system problem which they haven’t been able to fix yet, so we’re not sure whether her web site has been viewable since they went down; in any case, she can’t upload her new updates until they get their system up and running properly again.) We sent her to an Orthodox Jewish religious school which emphasizes science and math.
She received an award from the mayor of Ra’anana for volunteer work while still in grade school. She was a judo silver-medalist in her first major competition while in grade school. She was in an elite judo class, taught by a former Israeli champion, which has produced more Israeli champions – by a landslide – than any other instructor. Her former judo classmates, boys, all of whom she used to spar with regularly, now hold several Israeli championships. Even the other girl in her class whom she always beat became an Israeli champion. She would have been an Israeli girls’ champion in her weight group without any serious competition – but competitions were on Sha•bâtꞋ and she had to quit. (She was also getting a little too old for a religious girl to continue sparring with the boys, necessary training for a champion.) I tutor her in martial arts (close-quarter combat and police street techniques) as well as teach her computer science, finance and investment. I’ve been trying for some time to get her school to start a debating class or club. She attends a leadership incubator group.
The wives of one of my closest friends is a medical doctor (my friend is a medical doctor plus a Master’s in math plus a Ph.D. in computer science).
Though women generally don’t attend beit ha-kᵊnësꞋët in the Tei•mân•iꞋ community, I regard that as a sexist disgrace – primarily on the part of the women who are lagging behind, since the men are becoming much more modern-thinking. The prayers of my wife and daughter are just as important as mine, and I expect them both to be there every Sha•bâtꞋ, evening and morning, even if they’re the only two women there (usually there are an average of about 8 other women – we’re talking about a beit ha-kᵊnësꞋët in which there are a couple of hundred men every Sha•bâtꞋ, evening and morning).
These should give you some handle on my outlook. Become the best person you can be; spiritually and morally with the Nᵊtzâr•imꞋ and Orthodox Judaism, educationally, socially, politically – every way. Of course it’s possible to be successful in the next life even if one isn’t successful in this life. But it’s far more likely that the person successful in one life is also successful in the other, and that the one who is unsuccessful in one life is, despite their boastings, also unsuccessful in the other. Success is almost always built on earlier success(es) and a lot of resilience, tenacity and plain hard work. Set the bar as high as you think you can realistically reach it. Then go for it – hard and with determination, tenacity and, most of all, endurance. If you make it, raise the bar and do it all over again. Be successful, in this life as well as the next. In fact, as long as you do it with integrity and responsibility, being successful in this life will help you be more successful in the next life.
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